Our Story

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We’re the Litman’s. I’m Stephanie, a recently widowed, single mom of two rambunctious, perfect toddlers, and just stepped foot into my 30’s and to top it off, I lost my career job four short months after my husband gained his angel wings. 

This is my story of the grief that consumes me but will not overcome the life we always planned on living, and how I’m navigating through a life I never would of expected having. Welcome to the shit show, we’re dirty thirty & trying. I’d like to think my life is organized CHAOS, but it’s so much more than that.

Here's our story; I lost my soulmate, Matt in August 2022, after what felt like an extremely long but short 18 month battle with a very rare cancer. 

Matt and I grew into adulthood together. We met when we had both just turned 21 in the warm month of August in 2014 at Arizona State University. I was a leasing consultant at a student housing property and Matt was signing his lease. The moment I saw him sitting there in his royal blue shirt, his dark as night black hair, and his big green eyes as warm and welcoming as spring time, something in my soul was drawn to him, and at that moment I knew I needed him in my life. Fast forward to the next day and to my surprise he was hired on as a leasing consultant as well! And that's where our story began. 

We were in love in a few short weeks and living together by November, three short months after we had met, people thought we were crazy, & we were, but when you know, you know. We had a whirlwind romance, it was better than what the fairytales told me as a little girl. He asked, and I said YES, in May 2015. I finished school and graduated with my Bachelors of Science in May 2016, and started with my career company that same month. Matt was accepted into the Northern Arizona Police Academy, where he then became a Police Officer in December 2016. It was his dream job.

We "Got Hitched" in October of 2016, one of the best days of our lives. The following years we brought two beautiful boys into this world, one, during the pandemic. That's a story for another time. There were so many unknowns in the world at that time, Matt worked through the pandemic, the riots and all the disgust that the world was throwing around. I never knew how much I would appreciate those months we spent at home together while both on paternity leave, the world was array and in shambles, and we were living blissfully and isolated in our home as a family of four. 

When the world started opening again, is when our world came crashing down. Matt started having upper back pain in January 2021, We thought nothing of it, until he started to lose movement in his left hand, it proceeded and continued to effect his everyday life. On February 10th, 2021 his MRI results came in, and they found a mass in his spinal cord. He met with a neurosurgeon and he believed it was a benign mass that could be easily removed. We were overjoyed and so thankful, until the morning of February 19th. Matt woke up feeling very weird that morning, by the time he walked from our bed to the top of the stairs, he was no longer able to walk. I called the neighbors who have now become family, to help me carry him to the car, I rushed him to the hospital and he went into emergency surgery. THIS. This was the second absolute worst day of our lives, the first was the day he took his last breath. 

We were informed it wasn't the kind of tumor the doctor had hoped for, and that he had a very aggressive form of cancer. He became a paraplegic overnight, and as his cancer progressed and spread to his brain over the next few months, he became a full quadriplegic. At this time our boys were only ten months & two years old. 

To say this journey was earth shattering is an understatement, there really are no words to describe the feeling of watching your other half, soulmate, and best part of you slowly decay and lose every part of themselves. 

August 31, 2022 I held Matt in my arms as he took his last breath. The absolute worst day of my life. 

Today, April 25, 2023 I am still learning how to navigate this life without him and learning to move forward with the grief in tow. I read somewhere once that your grief is as big as your love, so in a way, I'm comforted by the vast amount of grief I carry daily, because it validates how true and strong our love was, and I will hold onto that until my last breath.

So here we are, on this messy, unpredicted story I never planned on writing. I will be honest, transparent and as real as I can as I navigate through this path of life we have been dealt, some days will be messy and hard, but other days will be beautiful and those are the days that make life worth living. 

Thanks for coming here, no matter what kind of journey you are on, I hope my story can help others, I'm not sure in what way, but for now, just know you are not alone and strong enough to handle whatever life hands you. You can do hard things.

With Love, Stephanie aka Poof (this is also another story, I'll share one day.. hope you stick around to find out)